Thursday, January 29, 2009

Jane Donuts Has a Conversation

So the other night, Jane Donuts attended a work social function. Jane Donuts works deep, deep in the heart of corporate America. More corporate that you can imagine. Depths you have (hopefully) never seen.

Several glasses of $14 Pinot Noir in she had the following exchange with an older, Southern male colleague.

Weirdo: So, you look like someone who likes music
Jane Donuts: Yeah, I'm kind of a nerd about it
Weirdo: Oh yeah, so who do you listen to?
Jane Donuts: Oh, well, some of my favorites historically are REM, the Pixies, the Beatles
Weirdo: Do you like Staind?
Jane Donuts: Um
Weirdo: Yeah, I've been into them lately. I love Live, they're one of my favorites, but lately they've just started making vaginal rock.
Jane Donuts: What?
Weirdo: Just, you know, for pussies. Just really vaginal and I've just totally lost interest.
Jane Donuts: ...

This was after a chilling conversation with a deposed exec who was still drinking the kool-aid but before a series of blatant propositions from an older, married, avowed Catholic. All in all, an interesting evening.

Monday, January 26, 2009

On undergarments

A lot of times, underwear seems unnecessary, and that's why Jane Donuts often forgoes it. Barring a few essential days of the month, it's mostly a nuisance and just another item of clothing to be paid for, washed, folded, stored, etc. Who needs it? Plus there's the semi illicit thrill of going commando.

But then I read this account of one of the passengers on US Airways Flight 1549, and, although he survived, his pants were ripped off in the impact and he was forced to pull himself to safety bare bottomed and exposed to the elements and the stares of his fellow passengers. Yes, yes, they were extraordinary circumstances and probably the last thing on anyone's mind was whether the guy's ass was any good, but still in all, this was a horrifying account.

Jane Donuts finds herself reconsidering underpants in the mornings now. Just another small decision to be made.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Watching Rome Burn

An overwhelming day for Jane Donuts.

Ominous headlines from the financial world. Dramatically receding hopes for exiting credit card debt in the near term. Shame over poor financial choices in the past. Colleagues who showed themselves to be incredibly, maddeningly short-sighted and disappointing on many levels. The locking of eyes with some poor bastard on her floor walking down the hall with a McDonald's bag. The wrong outfit worn to work. And then there were the cravings for chocolate, which were ultimately induldged.

These people with the relentlessly positive attitudes, where do they get them? And how do they maintain them? And how does one balance being content with reality?

It's about developing some kind of filter, isn't it? What to process and what to throw out. Jane Donuts has a long way to go here.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Jane Donuts remarks upon the specter of death hanging over Hollywood

Jane Donuts doesn't feel bad about this. Watching the Golden Globes with the sound off, beneath the glamour of the gowns and the sparkling jewels, what is most obvious is that some of the most watchable, less than perfect women in town have transmogrified into thinner, blonder versions of themselves, and then some are just outright dying. This is no way to live. (And why would Drew Barrymore want to turn herself into Phyllis Diller anyway?)

Jane Donuts, on the other hand, started the day off with a cupcake and later paraded her sturdy, brunette form through Downtown LA's Grand Central market, where along with several hundred fellow mortals, she indulged in pupusas and heavily sugared dulces. And after that, as she sunned herself in the grass under a clear, 75 degreed, smogless sky, she looked down at her non-pedicured feet and thought to herself, life is good.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

JD Says: Happy New Year

New Year's resolutions, in no particular order:

eat less meat (just cause)
do more squats (on account of future bikini appearances)
blog more (Jane Donuts needs oxygen)
make more friends in the blogosphere (see above)
spend less money (no explanation necessary)
own it (whatever "it" may be)

Wishing all others a Happy New Year too, except for the phonies. And you know who you are.