Sunday, May 2, 2010

Weird fishes

Yes, that's a Radiohead reference, and no, it has nothing to do with this post. At least not yet.

I'm in a weird spot. Here I am, nine months into my sabbatical, and I feel like I'm yet again at a crossroads. Because the reality is, I gotta go back to doing PR. At least for a while. Things with the start up are still chugging along, though we are really struggling with what our actual start up costs will be, as well as how much we even need to raise. We're dead set on creating this company, but despite all the things we have figured out, it's very confusing to try to figure out how to take the first steps. I hope this paralysis is temporary, but the phrase "it's all in the execution" is taking on even more meaning.

And in the meantime, I'm going kind of nuts. As constructive as I've tried to be with my time, and as much as I feel like I've gotten to do and see, I need to get back to work full time. And part of that is because I need to interact with other living humans during the day, something that is not really part of the work I'm doing on the startup. So I'm applying to a few things here and there, and luckily I can afford to be somewhat selective. At least for now.

But as much as I am angsty about going back to the profession for obvious reasons, I also wonder how much of my burnout was due to stress from other factors. Like the fact that I was depressed. And still mending from a broken heart. And just exhausted from trying to cope given both of those facts and a big job. I don't know what the answer will be. I guess I'll find out soon enough.



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