Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Jane Donuts Takes Your Questions.

From a love lorn reader on the east side, we have this:

"Will anyone love a plump chick who carries a good extra 15 el bees?"

Jane Donuts can speak from experience here, and the answer is yes. True, he may not himself have rock hard abs, and he may in fact have an addiction to Scrabulous and an undying love of Sparks and taquitos, but good loard, yes, it is possible. While it's true there are many men out there with double standards - like it's OK for him to eat Jack in the Box on a daily basis but he abhors any trace of cellulite - there are also many men out there who yearn for a soft feeling woman with a good set of hips who can make them laugh and entertain them both in and out of the boudoir. Which any friend of Jane Donuts can certainly do.

Think of all women throughout time. How many of them could stand up to the scrutiny of a paparazzi style photograph without getting a label like "Worst Beach Bodies"? Very few, my dear, very few. In fact, I am reminded of the American beauty I once met at an event I produced while living in New York City who not only had a great husband, a life that was by all accounts enviable and a mother who was a legendary beauty, but who also had a sort of saggy bulbous ass in khaki pants. Did this stop her from being stellar? No. And what of these people who really do look stellar all the time? What of these models, these starlets, even these genetic freaks (Halle Berry? Uma Thurman?) who, even after several kids and an age approaching the wrong side of 40, still look amazing? Well, one of the reasons they are so regularly photographed is because of their very genetic freakishness. It's a marvel. It's far stranger to appear perfect (and far more difficult, I might add - don't think those women aren't availing themselves of every beauty treatment modern technology and a shitload of dough has to offer) than it is to appear normal. And that's why we want to look at them, really.

But I'm digressing a bit here. I think the real key is to just own it. Just do the best you can with what you have, as my dad likes to say. On a physical level, anytime you really examine someone, even the most ostensibly physically flawless person, you can find a few flaws. The difference between those who really attract people and those who don't is the attitude. If you can somehow convince yourself that you should be fucked - nay, loved - and of course, some days that's easier than others - then somehow others will want to fuck/love you. Even if you have to wear Spanx and other horrifying female contraptions. Once the clothes start to come off, no one really gives a shit. For reals. Just keep the lights off at first if you have to. After a while, it really won't matter.

Do you have a question for Jane Donuts? Email me at littlejanedonuts@gmail.com

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